How to Give Yourself What You Need

I’ve been coming across a lot of circumstances lately where people (usually women) are trying to do so much for others without doing for themselves first. Here are a few of my thoughts on this pattern:

How can you give to others what you are unwilling to give yourself? If you think you are actually able to give what you do not have (which you are not, I guarantee it.), how much longer do you think you can continue to help others when you will not do yourself the same kindness? Another way to put this question is: “How far will a car go without gas in the tank?”

How did you come to the conclusion that you are not worthy of receiving what you need and desire? What circumstances in your life did you interpret to mean that your life was worth-less than someone else’s? And how do you think that treating yourself like garbage is going to do anyone else a lick of good?

Why is it not right to decline most of the opportunites for service that come your way? A life of holistic success is not built on obligation, guilt, fear, or so-called “responsibility.” Success is a fruit of love embodied and lived out. Just say no. It was good enough for Nancy Reagan. It’s good enough for you. Say it often. Say, “Gosh, I’d be interested in doing that; the thing is I have other commitments to attend to.” If they ask what those are, you can say, “Well, my first one is to myself, to give myself the time, space, love, and attention I need to be able to serve in the ways that I have been gifted.” I’d like to see someone argue with that one.

Perhaps you are afraid of what others will think of you if you take care of yourself before taking care of others. It is possible to let others think what they will and do what you want regardless of their potential or actual opinions. If people criticize you for being kind to yourself, know that they are fearful that you may be right and they may be wrong and jealous that you are doing what they wish they could do. Let them eat their hearts out! 

Giving yourself what you need and desire is also much easier when you are clear on the unique work you are talented and gifted to do right now. Admitting that you know this and living as if you know it will go a long way toward giving you the strength to say no to everything that is not as strongly connected to your life purpose as you would like. The work you have been given is enough. Let others do their part so that you can do yours.

So at the risk of repeating myself, “How can you give what you don’t have?” Get what you need so that you can give to others out of your abundance, instead of your poverty. This is a much more fun and fulfilling way to live. Stop trying to drive on empty. Fill your tank and soar to your dreams! It will do us all a world of good!

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